"Not Stern Enough": Failures of a Dog Trainer

I was once told I would never make it as a dog trainer. I was, quite simply, not stern enough. I lacked the one essential skill needed to reign in the exuberant, the afraid, the aggressive. I would never be able to make a difference. It was either shape up or give up.

Though the specific words are lost to memory, the tone [stern] and the message [an impending life of abject failure] remain, as well as the sting.

Many of the guardians I work with today have been told the same by various trainers. I often walk in to apologies and guilt over this personal failure. “I know I’m not stern enough. I know I need to correct more.”

Here’s the thing. Behavior change isn’t magic. There is no set level of stern “enough” that will turn any dog into an obedient little robot.

Taking away the obfuscating language, what you and I were being told to do is to scare dogs. To be stern enough is to threaten the dog in front of us so significantly that they stop what they are doing in fear. To make them freeze and shrink into themselves, hoping we stop.

In this situation, I was lucky. I was already enrolled in the Academy for Dog Trainers, where I had access to brilliant minds, and, perhaps even more importantly, the science of learning and behavior change. I knew what I was being told was wrong. I knew there were more kinder and more efficient ways to train, and I knew I could do it.

Reader beware: The results of not being stern enough

(I also, as luck would have it, tend not to take unsubstantiated criticism well.)

The average dog guardian does not have the same level of community to fall back on. In many instances, they have the opposite; a community that agrees with the bully. It’s no wonder I meet so many people who have taken this to heart and tried to change themselves, often with much guilt.

One of my biggest projects as a dog trainer is to be part of the change in culture around dogs and training. To be someone who can look at my clients and say “you are enough”, and then show them that they are, by walking with them through the process of behavior change using kind, effective methods.

Today, I wear those words as a badge of honor. No, I will never be stern enough for those trainers. I want to stand out as markedly different. I am markedly different.

I encourage you to do the same. Take these words as a reminder to be gentle and kind. Your dog will thank you.